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Guys, if you are conversant with the life cycle of a lady from low-income background, you would usually find a mother dragging her daughter's ears, warning her sternly, not to marry a poor man like her father (the mother's husband). You would hear words like "I married for love, look where it landed me, we are all suffering, all the beauty of my youth wasted on this nonentity of a man. My daughter don't make the same mistakes I have made, leave that useless boy today and marry a rich man". What you find afterwards, is a girl confused and haunted by the words of her mother and the memories of the hard life they have lived.
From the analogy above, many would be quick to judge the father as a useless man who couldn't fend for his family. Some men would call the mother wicked for asking her daughter to be a gold digger, others may choose to support the mother and urge the daughter to keep to the advice. Well who is right? at the end of this post I would give my verdict.
Most of our ladies face this dilemma in our world today, especially in African countries. However, the truth is, the mother has told the truth about their situation, but she hasn't thrown enough light on the context to properly enlighten her daughter in a way that can be deemed appropriate for a good life.
However, this is an eye opener to men who are still in the dark. The women are light years ahead of you in philosophical thinking though they may not appropriately communicate what has happened in a way you consider ideal reasoning. In order to deal with a woman, you must first of all understand they are wired differently from us men.
While a man is most likely going to be a realist, women are mostly fantasists. They are controlled 70% by emotion and 30% by fact, while the reverse is the case for men. If you doubt me, Observe a scenario of two people preparing to go to the post office (or any area where other people would likely be). Ask a woman why she put on the dress she's wearing and she will tell most likely say something like 'she wants to feel beautiful'. On the other hand, a man would probably just say: "I just saw this hanging on my wardrobe and wore it cos I have to wear something to cover myself". Notice, the man doesn't really have a reason for his color choices or design patterns. While the woman does, and this is usually because she desires some sort of validation from on-lookers. The benefit is what she gets(in this example, admiration). Whereas the man is more protective of what he already has(covering up).
This also affects how we make money, While most men choose to make money to improve their ability to protect themselves and those they love (eg a House to shelter them, Car for transiting his family, Bills for wellbeing), Women mostly require money to improve themselves and stand out (eg Gold jewelry to appear brighter, brazillian weaves and designer apparels to appear larger than life, get invited into big parties and road shows, even when a woman acquires a car, she does so for the prestige, don't be surprised when she hardly ever drives it herself but commissions her partner or a hired professional to take her around in it).
Now, what does all of this analysis above mean? Men, we appear to have been the dummies all along, we make sacrifices and put the needs of everyone else ahead of ours, we work so hard, save so much money in anticipation of a tough situation which everyone else looks up to us to solve, but never for once think about being as self-concerned as our female counterparts. Even when we spend money on ourselves, we do it in order to improve our ability to be of service to others. We hang out with a woman whom we protect from the elements by ensuring we have a car and/or umbrella handy. We open doors for her, pull out her chair so that she is comfortable, we crack jokes just to make her laugh, we also pay for the meals both of us enjoyed, we offer to take her home and we do not leave till we are sure she is safe, we then smile to ourselves feeling fulfilled, but what do they offers us? sex is evenly enjoyed by both partners, a woman will never have sex with a man she derives no benefit from either in the act itself or in exchange for some other good. So what does she really give?
This is why women don't date broke men but we date broke women, the women are the wise ones, choosing only to engage with people who benefit them. We on the other hand, choose people we have the capacity to help.
Now back to the scenario in the first paragraph. What should the mother have advised her daughter? To put it nicely, she should have asked her daughter to work on her intellect and marry a man who is cooperative but not lazy. Marriage is a two way journey, if that mother had married a man who fits this description, she would have been able to use her own self improved intellect and resourcefulness to help the man(whose natural inclination is to protect and provide) to reach the point she desired for herself and her children.
So there you have it guys, what shall you do? Shall you make all that money and look for a broke girl? in the hopes you could single handedly get her out of poverty? If you get broke in the process, how do you come out of it? The only hope you have is if she is resourceful and intelligent enough to not blame you for the situation but use everything you have invested in her becoming a better version of herself, to assist you in leading the family to greater heights. A woman has responsibilities in marriage too as well as the man, the man is an expert in protecting and providing for his family but the woman's natural instinct helps the family grow and stand out, they need to both work as a team, or neither partner would feel fulfilled. Is a broke man or lady a taboo? No, is a wise man or lady better? Yes. But in the end the choice is yours to make!
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